


Cold Comfort

by lanalucy



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Angst, Community: hc_bingo, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Ostracization, Self-Doubt, making amends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 13:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1228624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanalucy/pseuds/lanalucy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>February Challenge in hc_bingo.<br/>Prompts: job-related trauma, skeletons in the closet, crucifixion, wild card.</p>
<p>Starbuck tries to save Apollo, again, and it all goes to Tartarus.</p>
<p>Thanks to newnumbertwo for the beta!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Comfort

_Kara felt Lee behind her. How she knew it was him, she wasn’t sure, but she always knew when it was Lee. He just stood there for a moment - long enough to make her uncomfortable._

_“So you think keeping your promise to go back to Caprica for Sam is your only good reason to live?”_

_She froze, wondering how Lee knew about her and Helo in the gym._

_“What about the rest of us? The ones that are already here? We need you to keep coming back.”_

_She shifted on her feet without turning around. “Why? The one thing I did better than anyone is kill cylons, and Kat just killed the best one out there - she’s your Top Gun now. You don’t need me.”_

_Lee stepped closer - his body was touching hers from chest to hips. He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her back into him. “Maybe that’d be true if killing cylons was your only skill. You’re my friend, Kara. Who else knows me well enough to give me a kick in the ass or tell me to get my head on straight?” He put his head next to hers, and his voice curled right into her ear. “I need you to stay alive, to keep coming back.” He stood there holding her, and her hand hovered over his arm for a long beat, then settled on him, just touching, not hugging him back._

_She was screaming inside for him to let go. They weren’t like this - they hugged, but they didn’t put their feelings, whatever the frak they were, into words. Right as she felt her eyes watering, he squeezed her tighter, then let go, stepping back away from her._

_“You and my dad are all I’ve got left, Kara.”_

That conversation replayed in her mind as she was processing the information about the hostage situation on Cloud9. Lee was in there, and he needed her to get him out. Starbuck would save Apollo, again. Keep on doing it as many times as she had to. She donned the coverall and the cap, hefted the toolbox with the hastily stashed sidearms, and nodded that she was ready.

As the gunmen raised the door and patted her down, she took in the scene - Lee, Billy, Dee, Ellen - _What the frak is Ellen doing here?_ \- as best she could without lingering on any one person. She warned the gunmen not to lower the door all the way, and started toward the head when the woman, Abinell, told her to move. Before she'd gotten halfway to the head, one of the guys called out, and she stiffened, wondering if she was going to have to get her guns out after all. She knew she hadn’t given herself away and wondered what had.

The rest of it was a blur - people yelling, glass breaking, hostages screaming, bullets flying. Cruelly clear in her memory was her bullet hitting Lee and Lee falling in slow motion - his eyes locked on her. Someone grabbed her and pulled her out, frantically trying to clear the door before it came down on her legs.

She tried to pull herself together to report to the Old Man that she had utterly failed. Failed to reconnoiter sufficiently before things went to shit, failed to keep her cool, had not just failed to rescue Lee, but had shot him herself. She reported everything else, but her Starbuck mask cracked when she got to Lee. There were tears on her face and in her voice. “It was friendly fire. Lee got hit by friendly fire. I think it was me.”

He seemed to understand that she’d been trying to admit to her mistake upfront instead of hiding it the way she had with Zak’s test scores. He even squeezed her arm later as he said, “Let me take it from here,” in response to her plea to let her help.

That was the last normal thing for a while.

She was cut off from everything and everyone - shunned, ostracized - she might as well be strung up.

The Old Man wouldn’t talk to her. The President, when she deigned to acknowledge her at all, glared at her, clearly blaming her for Billy’s death. She couldn’t get anywhere near Lee while he was in sickbay - Dee had latched on to Lee and pushed everyone but the Old Man away. Helo was focused on the Sharon in the brig.

The Old Man sent her to _Pegasus_ , where she was even more alone - it felt like everyone here hated her, and she didn’t even know any of them well enough for them to hate her yet.

Weeks had passed and more people had died. Lee had been put in command of _Pegasus_ and she took what she saw as her last opportunity to make amends. While he was packing, she teased him about all the drudgery ahead of him as Commander.

He tossed back, “It could be worse. I could have you as my CAG.”

She held on to the ladder to keep from showing how much that hurt, even if he was teasing, and tried one more time. “Congratulations.” When Lee looked askance at her offered hand, she repeated it. “Really. Congratulations. You deserve it.”

He took her hand carefully. “I know why I was mad at you, Kara.”

_Gods. I should have known it wouldn’t work._ “A simple thank you would’ve been sufficient.”

“Because you were doing what you always did.”

She couldn’t look at his face. His tone said everything.

“Buck authority and get away with it.” He held her hand tighter until he was hurting her. “I bucked authority once, and I almost lost everything. So I guess when I showed up on _Pegasus_ and there you were, doing it all over again...I don’t know. It pissed me off.”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?”

She smiled tentatively, “You should hear the way my brain works sometimes.”

Then they were looking at each other and she couldn’t stand it, she had to know. She stood and asked, “Are we okay?”

He looked at her, as if puzzling something out in his head. “You have a brain?”

That was closer to normal for them, but still hurt. Then he tugged at her hand and put his other arm around her shoulders and hugged her.

Maybe that was his answer. She smiled to herself, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, and relaxed into his embrace. She’d have to take her comfort where she could get it.


End file.
